Facilitate Change

Empowering Observations or Statements
Coaching is not a game of Jeopardy where we try to figure out the questions when we already know the answer. Behind most questions is a statement, so we look for opportunities to speak transparently and directly. Question after question can become tiresome, so instead of relying exclusively on questions, we can expand our level of support by making statements. While we want people to have choice in every moment, we imply choice more with tone and receptivity to any response, than whether we ask a question or make a statement. Sometimes people need a break from empowering questions and welcome direct statements. To follow are some empowering observations, statements, and directives that help support awareness.

Supporting Body Awareness
• Notice your body…
• Pay attention to your breath…
• Exaggerate that gesture…
• Scan your body and notice any sensations…
• Express that in movement…
• Breathe louder. Loosen any restrictions, relax your throat…
• Stand up and dance – whatever comes to you…
• Notice what your flexed left foot wants to say to you…
• You are holding something in your hand. Open your hand…
• You just removed lint from your shirt…
• Try a pensive posture to see what thoughts you generate…
• Your body is collapsed in on itself…
• Your body has a message for you…
• Assume everything you communicate verbally or non-verbally has meaning...
• Try saying that again while looking skyward with a smile on your face…
• Repeat that, “I have so much weight on my shoulders,” while I press on your shoulders...
• Breathe out what you wish to give; breathe in what you wish to receive…
• Describe your posture right now…
• Make a sound to go along with the movement in your arms…
• When you speak to her, you look at me…

Supporting Voice Awareness
• Make the sound that expresses your internal feelings…
• You swallowed hard. Say the words you’ve been trying to swallow…
• Relax the back of your throat and say that again…
• You have something to say…
• Give voice to your pelvis…
• Amplify one word…
• Make the sound that expresses your deepest desires…
• Repeat that phrase louder…
• Sing a phrase from a song – whatever comes to you…
• Say that again, pausing after every noun…

Supporting Language Awareness
• Try saying the first thing that comes to you...
• If you weren’t being polite, you would say…
• Change “I should” to “I choose to”…
• Say that again without qualifiers…
• Contradict what you just said…
• Say it directly to her. “Cheri, you …”
• That sounds like an aside, but it has meaning…
• Change that question into a statement...
• Say the headline only…
• Change that to an “I” statement…
• Change “I can’t’” to “I won’t”…
• Shift from the hypothetical to what is real for you…
• Refer to him as “you” instead of “him…”

Expanding with Imagery
• You have a gift…
• Notice the first image that comes to you…
• Breathe deeply into the part of you that needs more oxygen…
• Let yourself fantasize…
• Imagine you are killing something…
• Ask your future self for advice…
• Chew on your experience. Describe the texture and flavor of the food…
• Give yourself full permission to…
• You are giving birth to…
• I see you in a boat...

Clarifying Observations
• Notice what captures your attention…
• Try saying the exact words that trigger you…
• Pay attention to what stands out for you…
• Become aware of what grabs you…
• Remember the moment when you were first irritated…
• Put your attention on what matters most…
• Notice what’s coming up…
• Name the observation that stimulates your judgment…
• Something is ringing in your ears…

Clarifying Feelings
• Change “You make me feel,” to “I feel”…
• Something is happening to you…
• Your feelings are a gift…
• Stay with your feelings…
• Act out your feelings…
• Your fear wants to protect you …
• Unleash the pain…
• Affirm the hurt…
• Vent…
• Get the rage out…
• Speak to your feelings…
• Connect to the internal experience of your emotions…
• Experience the fullness of your relief…
• Notice where the joy lives in your body…

Clarifying Needs
• Notice what energizes you…
• Connect with your heart’s longing…
• You’re choosing that strategy because you want something…
• Slow down. Check in with yourself…
• Open your heart first to yourself… Now to the other person…
• Take a moment to cherish your needs…
• Make a list of all the things you appreciate about yourself…
• Hold onto your needs and rock them like a baby…
• Unfreeze the need and imagine that need completely fulfilled…
• Underneath that need is an even more important need…
• Take a minute to sit with the beauty of your needs…
• Connect with what enlivens you…

Clarifying Requests
• Imagine asking for what you really want…
• Make that into a request…
• You want to connect, so ask for what you want…
• Propose a doable request…
• Start your request with, “Will you…”
• Now that you’re in touch with your needs, generate three possible requests that are likely to meet needs…
• Try reconnecting with the need before asking for what you want…
• Make “I want you to respect me,” into a doable request…
• Imagine what would meet your needs for respect. Ask for that…
• Make a request of yourself…

Reflection Activity
1. Conduct a peer coaching session without questions. Use statements only.
2. Share your insights with each other.